God Hates Violence to the Vows

The Messenger, The Message, and the Mess

Allen Snapp

Grace Community Church

Nov. 16, 2025

God Hates Violence to the Vows

We are continuing our series in Malachi and this morning we are looking at a very difficult and controversial subject: marriage and divorce. I realize that some might disagree with my view on this sensitive subject and you are free to let me know your thoughts. I want the scriptures to be my guide and at the same time treat this with the compassion and grace it deserves.

Let me open by saying two things: first, I believe that divorce has become way too easy and common. A lot of people look at divorce as a fire escape to get out of a marriage that they’re not happy in and that is unbiblical. Second, many people who have gone through a divorce have experienced deep pain and grief watching the death of their marriage and should be shown kindness, compassion and love in the church. Divorce is serious but it is not the unforgivable sin and in fact there are times when divorce is not a sin at all but is the best option in a bad situation. We’ll come to that in a minute.

Malachi’s message at this point is about relationships and God’s accusation against Israel is that they have been unfaithful in their relationships. Let’s begin by reading vv. 10-12 and then we’ll pray. I usually read from the ESV but this morning I’m reading from the NKJV because I think it’s the better translation of a difficult passage.

Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us? Why do we deal treacherously with one another by profaning the covenant of the fathers? ¹¹ Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem, for Judah has profaned the Lord’s holy institution which He loves:
He has married the daughter of a foreign god. ¹² May the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob the man who does this, being ^[d]awake and aware, yet who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts! Malachi 2:10-12(NKJV)

Over and over Malachi uses the word “treacherously”. It means to be unfaithful. The people of God were treating one another treacherously. They weren’t being faithful to one another, weren’t being loyal, they were treating each other badly. God is a faithful God. His faithfulness reaches to the skies. He isn’t fickle, He doesn’t ever break a promise, He is loyal to His people. When God says it, we can count on it.

As God’s people, having God as our Father and our Creator, we should be faithful too. Faithfulness isn’t flashy. It doesn’t make big boasts, it just shows up. Prov. 20:6 says a lot of people claim unfailing love but a faithful person is hard to find. For them it’s all flash and talk – but when it comes down to it they’re not there for you. God says to Israel then and to the Church today, be faithful in your relationships. Be honest. Be loyal. Be steady. Make it your goal to be a man or woman of your word.

When we break faith with a brother or sister, when we deliberately hurt them and damage our relationship with them, it dishonors and displeases our Lord.

Another treachery happening was that many Jewish men were intermarrying with “daughters of a foreign god.” The problem wasn’t interracial marriage. Some of the most beautiful marriages in the Bible were interracial marriages and some of them ended up in Jesus’ lineage. Rahab the Canaanite, Ruth the Moabite, are a couple examples, both of them ending up in the lineage of Jesus our Savior. Interracial marriage is a beautiful thing. The problem is the Jews were marrying women who served other gods and these women were turning their hearts away from the Lord.

Christians who are looking to get married should make it their highest priority that the person they marry shares a deep and sincere faith in Jesus, a love for God’s word, and a commitment to the local church. If two people don’t share a common core in the deepest most important areas of life – including and especially what faith to raise their children in -they will always be walking in different directions in those areas and it can be incredibly challenging. Paul writes to the believer and says if you’re married to an unbeliever don’t seek to separate from them, but for the single person looking for a spouse, do everything you can not to be unequally yoked.

Now Malachi’s message goes to marriage and divorce.

¹³ And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears,
with weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. ¹⁴ Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. ¹⁵ But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.

¹⁶ “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:13-16

The words that stick out to us is God saying I hate divorce. Some versions have translated it for the man who hates and divorces his wife (NIV) or have attempted to smooth it out even more such as the ESV that says the man who does not love his wife but divorces her…but the Hebrew is pretty clear – for he hates putting away (divorce) says the Lord the God of Israel. So let’s consider what God is saying…and what He’s not saying, in this passage. I want to share this compassionately and honestly and will sum up in the end so hang on till the end to draw any conclusions.

First of all, God is talking to men. In this context the problem are men but all of this definitely applies to women. Over the years I’ve pastored, I’ve seen marriages fall apart because of the husband, because of the wife, and because of both.but and these men are crying and weeping and covering the altar with their tears. Why aren’t You blessing me O God? Why aren’t You accepting my offerings and religious acts of piety? I go to church, I give to the poor, I read my Bible, I tell everyone I’m a Christian!

God says I saw what you did to your wife. I’m the witness between you and her and I saw how you treated her treacherously. There’s that word again! You were unfaithful, faithless, treacherous to the wife of your youth. She stood before you as a young woman and became your companion as you

covenanted together. And you have been treacherous.

Now the next lines are difficult to understand exactly but the big idea is that the Spirit of God joined the two as one in the marriage union and one of God’s desires for a godly union is for godly offspring. By no means is that the only purpose for a godly marriage a universal law and just because a couple are Christians doesn’t guarantee that their children will grow up believing in Jesus although I personally believe that there is a covenantal promise for parents to pray and believe that our children will come to the faith even if for a time they depart from it. Joshua said, “as for me and my house we will serve the Lord!” He’s not just believing for himself, he’s believing for his house. Paul told the prison-keeper that if he believes he would be saved – he and his household!

God gives married men – and women – a strong warning. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. Watch your heart, your thoughts, your attitude and make sure you don’t deal treacherously with the wife of your youth. When a man trades in his wife for a younger model he is being treacherous. He’s being unfaithful, faithless, and he’s doing evil. And all that is true if it’s the woman who does it. God says, don’t do it. Don’t deal treacherously with your spouse.

Here's why: ¹⁶ “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the Lord of hosts. Some people interpret this to mean that no matter what happens in a marriage, God hates the filing of divorce papers under any circumstances so those two people should stay together no matter what.

What God hates is the violence that a treacherous man or woman does to the marriage vows. Divorce covers one’s garment with violence may well refer to the Jewish custom of a husband covering his bride with his garment symbolically as a way of saying he will protect and provide for her. Remember Ruth asked Boaz to cover her with the corner of his garment as a symbol of marrying her. These treacherous ones instead of covering their wife with the garment of protection and care and faithfulness, they are covering their wife with the garment of violence and cheating and broken vows. God hates that.

The New Testament clearly gives two grounds for divorce. Jesus said that adultery – sexual immorality – was grounds for divorce. Paul wrote in 1 Cor. 7 that abandonment was grounds for divorce. Now some might say that anything other than these two things are not grounds. If someone is being abused mentally or physically, they need to stay in the marriage. If they are tormented or threatened, they need to stay in the marriage. I believe these are also included in doing violence to the marriage vows.

The Jewish vows contained four promises: to provide food, clothing, love, and faithfulness. In Exodus 21:10-11 it says if a husband doesn’t provide these four things to a slave who is taken as a wife, she is free to leave him. In essence he has failed to keep his marriage vows. Now, the rabbis understood this as case law, which means the principle not the exact details, are the guiding legal principles.

God Himself says He divorced Israel because she as His bride did not return His love, was unfaithful to

Him and began to offer sacrifices to foreign gods, what the prophets called spiritual adultery. God speaks through the prophet Jeremiah:

⁸ I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Jer. 3:8

The word of God is clear: marriage is ordained by God and should not be entered or departed lightly. God hates divorce. I know of cases where people who claim to be Christians divorced their partners by making questionable claims of abuse. Having a spouse who’s a jerk or inconsiderate or selfish isn’t abuse. Not feeling love for your spouse anymore isn’t grounds for divorce. It’s grounds for marriage counseling but not divorce.

But there are real cases where one spouse is unfaithful to their vows – does violence to the vows – either through adultery or neglect or physical or mental abuse and even if they want to continue to stay in the marriage so they can continue to perpetrate the abuse, the victim of such abuse is not bound by God to stay in that situation.

I agree with David Instone-Brewer when he writes, God hates the breaking of marriage vows that results in divorce…A marriage is ended by the person who breaks the marriage vows, not by the wronged person who decides to end the broken contract by enacting a divorce.

Divorce is not the unforgivable sin and in some cases it’s not a sin at all. Again, God divorced Israel and God can’t sin. For those who experienced the deep pain of your spouse committing violence to your vows, God hates their treachery and He loves you! You are precious in His sight and He will never leave you because He is faithful.

Those who have dealt treacherously need to repent and ask God for forgiveness and a new heart!

Many divorces today happen because of the wear and tear of life on a marriage – little and big sins that erode and little teaching and good counseling available. If you have a divorce in your rear view mirror, don’t be condemned. We all need our Savior and we all need our sins to be forgiven and God has valuable life lessons for you even through that experience. Humble yourself and ask God for forgiveness for your part, forgive the other person for their part and commit yourself to be a faithful person going forward.

God closes this section with, once again, a hopeful, going-forward message: “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”